Y'all know I don't really believe in "perfectionism" as it's often framed in popular culture. (See prior post on overcoming perfectionism.) Something else that often gets confused with perfectionism, is what I call "All-or-nothing-ism."
All-or-nothing-ism is the belief that one must put in a certain amount of time, or perform at a certain intensity, or else it’s not enough and doesn’t count.
I have to exercise for an hour, five days a week, or it doesn’t count.
I have to write for two hours today, or it doesn’t count.
If I clean, I must clean the whole house, or why bother.
...etc. and so on.
And what happens?
You dread and avoid the 60 minutes of exercise until you end up doing zero minutes of exercise. The idea of writing for two hours feels daunting, so you keep putting it off until the day is gone, and you've done no writing at all.
Cleaning the whole house feels like a whole thing, so you clean no things.
You see where I'm going.
It's not that you’re afraid you won't do any of this correctly. How does one imperfectly treadmill anyway? Are you afraid you won't get that toilet bowl past inspection? No. It's not perfection that's the problem here. It's the false impression that you only have two mutually exclusive choices – a) all, or b) nothing.
When, in reality, something, anything, when performed consistently, will do. In fact, it will get you much farther than all-or-nothing, considering all-or-nothing usually, almost always, gets you nothing.
My client had struggled with an intense clutter problem for 10 years or more. The insurmountable nature of the project had caused him to completely freeze up. He felt like he needed to dedicate every weekend to it and at least an hour or two each day after work to even make a dent.
When we discussed how much time he felt he could realistically commit to each day (w/ my support), he said maybe 30 minutes and immediately felt deflated.
It’s not enough, he felt. He would never get through it.
I encouraged him to start with 10 minutes/day, with the option to continue IF and only if he felt like it. I think he almost fired me on the spot. Lol
Then I helped him do the math.
10 minutes/day x 365 days = 3,650 minutes = 60+ hours
30 minutes/day x 5 days/week (allowing two days off) = 7,800 minutes = 130 hours
In only ONE year, look how much more progress could be made in following through on a doable goal vs. 10 years of “trying” for the big goal.
It ended up around six months that he was able to reach that unreachable goal, with only the baseline habit of 10 minutes day. Naturally, once he got started, there were days he kept going, and soon he was able to increase his baseline commitment, but it was important for the extra time to remain optional and not part of the goal. SIX MONTHS! Six months of committing and following through on 10 minutes/day (allowing for that to become more) vs. 10 YEARS of trying to do one hour per day, four hours on Saturday, etc.
Do you see how, quite literally, less is more here?
10 minutes beats zero minutes every...single...time.
One paragraph beats no paragraphs.
One clean shelf beats no clean shelves.
Some exercises beats no exercise.
Every. Single. Time.
How much time have you spent trying to do MORE of the thing you've ended up doing NONE of for thinking that SOME is not enough?
Days? Weeks? Years? Flash forward that much time from now, and how far along might you be with a realistic, "something/anything" baseline commitment?
What can you commit to doing consistently, from where you are right now, understanding that you can increase that commitment as you feel ready?
Determine what this is, and do this.
This is not nothing. This is EVERYTHING.
If you'd like support in learning how to make consistent progress toward your goals, I can help. Contact me through the form below to schedule a consultation, or email ginamarkscoaching@gmail.com. You can find pricing information on my Plans & Pricing page.
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