My client taught me a fantastic new motto. “I’m not in it to win it; I’m in it to finish it!”
She’s in the home stretch of finishing her BS degree, having gone back to school after many years in the working world. It’s an abrupt transition, and it’s been tough, especially for an adult with ADHD. Plus, now with many university programs conducted entirely online, it's even harder to manage her time, motivation and executive function.
Many times she’s feared being unable to finish, because she had forgotten that’s all she really needs to do. Her goal isn’t graduating top of her class. It’s not especially important in what she’s going on to do afterward. Her goal is to get that degree! Literally just finishing!
The degree will open the door to many more options than she would have without it. That’s what it’s about. But those opportunities are in danger because of that stubborn “perfectionist” mindset. We were coaching through it, reflecting on times in the past when she’s overcome adversity and achieved big goals, of which there are many. (…times you likely can find in your own past as well. Please remember to look!) She remembered her marathon experience. She had not been any sort of lifelong runner or athlete. Marathons were not “her thing.” She just put her mind to running one and finishing the dang race. She remembered the training and the physical exhaustion and muscle pain that went into it, tension that multiplied when she compared herself to others and inadvertently tried to compete, or got blinded by “compare and despair.” It was in those times she reminded herself, “I’m not in it to win it. I’m in it to finish it!” This is what got her through and kept her from quitting.
Please don’t misunderstand this to mean underestimating one’s potential or undermining their accomplishments. Quite the opposite. Finishing this race was a BIG DEAL. …as it would be for me, having never even dared attempt one!
She realized she could apply this same motto to her schoolwork. She doesn't need her papers to be perfect or as good as anyone else’s. …not that they aren't, not that she would even know, but it’s that mindset that defeats us, thinking we need to be a certain level of good or great or God forbid, “perfect”! We just really don’t, certainly not in everything, not in most things.
Don’t get it messed up. I can be competitive as all get-out when it comes to certain things, and so can most of my clients. We all have our “things.” There are times when we do want to be “in it to win it,” and that mindset drives us and fuels our determination. That’s when you use it. Don’t waste it on the crap that just doesn’t matter that much, the times when it’s more the worry of what others will think about you, or those subtle voices in your head from growing up and being told by parents or caregivers, teachers, or other kids, that you weren’t good enough and being made to feel small. That’s when you get small. Don’t let the ghosts of your past make you small.
Be in it to finish it. That’s big. That’s HUGE. Save your winner energy for where it counts…for YOU.
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