“I’m not sure I would rub that lamp.”
It was a seemingly innocuous question on the surface, and it brought my client to tears.
I had asked her if she could rub a magic lamp and be granted one wish (in relation to our coaching goals), what would it be?
There was a moment of stunned silence, and she started to cry. “I’m not sure I would rub that lamp,” she said.
Why would this be? Why would she not want to be magically granted her wish, with nothing further required of her?
“Because I'm not sure I'm supposed to have it.” I think she surprised even herself.
The idea of shedding her lifelong struggle with food and her weight, and the heavy shame she had carried around it, didn’t feel freeing. It felt unsettling. It felt...scary.
Yes, there were the usual suspects of self-doubt, uncertainty and fear of failure, but this wasn’t that. This was what was waiting on the other side of all that.
And what she found there was a world without the only self she had ever known.
It was the change of who she had always believed herself to be.
As unpleasant as it was, this struggle was part of her identity.
And losing THAT was the scariest change of all.
“Who am I without my story?”
I have the struggle identity in many forms myself, BIGTIME, and I've fought it tooth and nail.
I, too, have found it deeply unsettling to imagine being free of it all.
But here’s what I've learned.
In fighting against this discomfort, I only come up more frustrated. It becomes another struggle. Another way to reinforce the old identity.
I thought I had to get it to fit from where I am right now in order to be right for me. (Visualizing your goals and all that.)
But I don’t. We don’t.
It’s okay that it doesn’t feel right, yet. This doesn't make it wrong. That doesn’t mean we can’t do it.
It doesn’t need to fit, just right, just yet.
We can grow into it.
When I catch this feeling bubbling up again, I say to myself, "Yes, this feels uncomfortable. It's still new to you. That's okay. This isn’t a problem. Keep going.”
We don’t need to be fear-less in order to forge ahead. To borrow a line from Elizabeth Gilbert, fear can come along for the ride. Just don't let it drive.
If you'd like support shedding your old identity and growing into the new you, I can help. Contact me through the form below, or email me directly at ginamarkscoaching@gmail.com
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